I Think....

I think we are officially in the 'dog days of summer' here in Houston - it has been HOT HOT HOT! 

I think its safe to say I am ready for it to be done already. We have had lots of fun in the sun and water....but I am still ready for it to be over.  Its rough with a little baby in this heat - especially with 2 other kids at home that LOVE to be outside.  Its definitely been a balancing act this summer - trying to keep them entertained but not letting Cannon melt in the heat - ha!

I think I am ready for school to start back up.  I am ready to be back in our routines - I crave routines - especially with small kids.  2 more weeks!!!

**warning...this next part is long..but its been weighing on my mind for a long time and I just wanted to get it out there for my personal memories - the good, the bad & the ugly :)

I think I am feeling the need to be real on my blog today.  I have never been untruthful about our lives on here, but I do know I have only made the effort to put the good & happy stuff on here...but believe me..we definitely have our days just like everyone else.  I have had several friends ask me how I do it each day and adjust to so many changes with such little effort.  I usually just put on a happy face no matter what - I have never really let people see the struggles we (or mainly me) go through.
anyway...

I think I am ready to get the show on the road too b/c I officially decided to stay home 100% this year.  I have been going back and forth whether to return to work (only part time hours as before) but I just think it makes sense for our family for me to stay home this year. 

First financially, it was very challenging to find someone that could watch Cannon a few hours/week and still make it worth my while to work.  Working only 8 hours/ week or so doesn't leave a lot of wiggle room for childcare costs.  As big of a factor this one was...it definitely was not the main factor.

Second and the biggest factor is...I NEED this time with Cannon.  It is soooo different with 2 small children so close in age and an older child beginning junior high.  Brooklynn got 100% of our attention most of the time when she was a baby - since she was the only one here with us most of the time and Andrew was with us only part time so we got to focus primarily on her.  So we were constantly working with her and playing with her every waking second.  Now with Cannon....our time is split so many different ways.  As most everyone that knows us is aware, we not only welcomed a baby into our home this year, but we also were FINALLY able to get full custody of Andrew around the same time.  So he is living with us full time now and has been since February and it has been what we have dreamed of and wanted for so long.  Its going really well and we have seen such a difference in him during this time..we are just so excited to have it finally turn out this way.  Then of course there is Brooklynn who is almost 3 and anyone that has ever had a 2 year old can attest to - they are a full time job on their own - ha!  So we are officially out-numbered by kids...lol. 

So anyway back to my point - I don't have the dedicated time with Cannon anymore like I did with Brookie.  So with me staying home this year - I will get one on one time with my sweet baby boy.  Brookie will resume her preschool program on Mon/Weds/Fri in a couple weeks, Andrew will be in school each day and so there will be my time with just me and Cannon - I am so excited for that.  There are days that pass when I am putting him to bed at night that I feel like I have barely spent anytime with him that day and I feel so guilty....like I am cheating him.  I feel constant guilt about the back of Cannon's head being flat - that I leave him too long just sitting there in either his bouncer or swing while I am dealing with the other kids.  He has never been a fan of tummy time and it all goes back to what I said before - I don't have the time to just sit with him and encourage him when he starts fussing...so I have never made him do it for very long b/c usually I have to cut it short and go deal with the other 2 kids....and therefore he has never learned to like it.  We have an appt with a specialist in a couple weeks to get it checked out.  Our pediatrician didn't think it was anything more than a cosmetic issue, but I am scared of what this dr will say/think about me as a mom.  I constantly worry what others think of me as a mom too when they see his head - that I just let him sit all day.  The rational side of me knows that I AM a good mom and that I would do whatever it takes for my kids to be happy & healthy, but its the guilt that eats me up inside.  That is one of the worst feelings in the world as a mom - feeling like you are not being there for your kids and that you failed them.  I am still learning how to fix this so I am hoping our arrangement this year will help ease some of that guilt. 
Next fall (Fall 2011) Cannon will be enrolled in the same school as Brookie so it is my plan at that point to go back to work during the days they are in school.  I went for a visit to my office the other day and sat and talked with my boss and she told me whenever, however, whatever I wanted to work I could.  I don't take that lightly...I know I am incredibly fortunate and grateful for having a company that is so flexible with me and accommodating.  She told me before I left, that she will wait for me to let her know when I am ready and able to return to work.  What a load lifted off my chest - to know that if I had to return to work, I have that option - and believe me...we have seriously contemplated it this year - its been a rough year with a lot more expenses than we could have ever imagined last year when we made our decision for me to stay home.  We are so thankful we carefully planned it all out before cutting our income in half - if we hadn't I can't (and don't want to)even imagine where we would be right now....we could have been another statistic you see on the news all the time during this economy.  Scary thought. 

Anyway...sorry for rambling on forever about all this but I wanted to get it off my chest and get it on the blog so when I look back on this time...I will remember everything we were going through and dealing with.  What doesn't kill us makes us stronger...right?  Motherhood has definitely been one of the most humbling experiences I have ever been through in my life, but it is also the most fulfilling thing I have ever done all at the same time.  Its wild & crazy but I wouldn't have it any other way....

I love waking up to these two :)  Oh and no...they don't share the same bed - they just have snuggle time each morning before we all get moving for the day.

Water Day at Jellystone Park

Last week we finally got the chance to go to Jellystone Park out in Waller.  We had tried several weeks back but the weather didn't work out - I think it was Tropical Storm Bonnie that altered those plans.  Its been a tough summer to plan anything in advance - we have been getting tons of rain - way more than I can remember in past summers.  I don't really mind it too much since its keeping the temps down a little, but it does get kind of irritating when we actually have somewhere outside that we want to go.  We took advantage of a clear day and made the most of it.  We loaded up the car with all 3 kids (oh the amount of stuff that is needed to go anywhere these days - its pretty comical) and brought Andrew's cousin and Grandma (Andy's mom)with us too.  We also met our friends, Natalie & Blakelyn (a.k.a Brookie's partner in crime). I was worried how Cannon would be since he is either hit or miss with water these days...but luckily he did really well.  We had so much fun - the slides and splash areas were perfect for the girls - they went non-stop and wore themselves out.  We ended up staying for about 5 hours and we were running the entire time.  It was pretty crowded but we still had a good time.  At one point we had a little scare when we couldn't find Brookie - there were so many kids it was hard to find her in the masses.  We found her a few minutes later - some kind woman found her and was walking around carrying her looking for her mommy....that has got to be the WORST feeling as a parent.....I did the same thing to my mom when I was about Brookie's age too - and I still hear about it to this day...oops - sorry Mom :)

Anyway....I'll just share the pics that Natalie took with her new waterproof digital camera (THANKS!!!).  I didn't even attempt to bring my regular digital camera - I knew I'd be running crazy with Brookie and Cannon....and I'd probably end up dropping it in the water.  Just my luck :)

This was in one of the pools.  I am so excited - Brookie is doing so well with her lifejacket now in the pool - she LOVES to just float around on her own - such a big girl!  Can't wait for swim lessons next summer.

Here is a shot of the splash pad area with all the smaller slides where we spent most of our day with the girls - this was obviously earlier in the day before it got packed

Brookie loved going down all the slides over and over.  And the best part was that there were no lines for these ones - very important for a 2 year old ;)

Even the grown ups got to be kids that day - the slides were a lot of fun for us too :)

Ok....this next slide.....yeah it was definitely out of my league!  This thing was huge!  Of course Andrew & his cousin loved it although even his cousin took awhile to warm up to it.  Anyway I decided to give it a shot with Andrew earlier in the morning since at that point his cousin refused to go on it.  The further we walked up the stairs, the more and more I was thinking I was in way over my head. I loved all things wild & crazy (waterslides and any roller coaster I could find) when I was younger but for some reason even when I was younger, tall waterslides scared me to death.  I always had a fear I would somehow trip and just tumble and fly down the slide..so waterslides like The Edge and things like that at the old Waterworld here in Houston just didn't happen with me.  So like I said...walking up those stairs scared me to death.  Then of course when I got to the top and just looked down....yeah I was in trouble.  But I was going to be a grown up and just do it.  That and there were little kids up there - like really little kids.  So I stood there and watched people one by one go down...and a few people would get stuck at the top before they finally pushed themselves free and began their journey all the way down.  At that point another moment of panic set in - I just knew I was going to get myself stuck and be in the most embarrassing position (you had to lay on your tummy looking down the slide so all the people still waiting had a perfect view of your behind in all its glory) and then have to flop around trying to un-stuck myself.  What a terrifying thought!  At that point I didn't even think about my original fear of tumbling down the slide....I was more mortified of looking like a fool and drawing attention to myself...hahaha!  Anyway...my turn came and guess what????

 

I GOT STUCK!!!!!  The pic above shows how far behind I was....Andrew is already at the bottom on the blue slide on the far left.  I am on the yellow slide right beside him (the one on the furthest left) wayyyyyyy at the top!  My new fear came true - I was flopping around up there like a fish out of water trying to just get down the slide already.  I'm sure it was only a few seconds at most, but to me it felt like hours...lol

I finally managed to dislodge myself free and down I sailed...you can see in the pic above again how far behind I was.  Andrew and everyone else had already stopped and gotten up and were exiting....then there's little 'ole me....finally making it to the bottom...at least my original fear didn't come true - I stayed on the slide the whole way down and didn't fly off  :)

And the aftermath of my slide adventure....so happy to be  back on the ground!  At some point I hit my ribs on the left side and I think I must have bruised them b/c I felt it right away when I stood up.  And they are still killing me - its steadily getting worse each day too :(  I can pretty much feel the pain 24/7 with almost anything and everything I do...not fun.  Even sleeping is an issue right now - I can't roll over to that side or it feels like someone is stabbing me.  Hopefully it will go away soon.

You can already see me holding my ribs on the left side as I climbed off the slide.  Ouch!

Anyway...all in all it was a fun day.  We can't wait to go back.  We are trying to get Andy to take a day off work so we can take the kids back for another play day :)  But you better believe, you won't catch me on that big slide - ha! 

One Year Ago...

It was on this day last year that we got the (best) surprise.....we found out we were pregnant again!  I can't belive its already been a whole year but at the same time I can barely remember our family pre-Cannon.  Like I mentioned last year, we were COMPLETELY shocked that we were - we definitely weren't expecting to have another baby at that point, but we were thrilled nonetheless.  I felt silly for spending the $16 on the pregnancy test while I was on vacation in Toronto - I don't even know what led me to even buy one to take.   I can still remember taking it last year - my mom had NO CLUE what I was up too...hehehe.  Luckily I was sitting down when I saw the results, b/c I would have collapsed for sure - I was in SHOCK!!!  Even when the test was waiting to process...I kept telling myself I was crazy and completely just wasted my money on something so ridiculous! But low and behold....there was our surprise - plain as day!  I then had to call Andy - he thought I was joking with him ...hahaha!  Apparently that is a recurring theme in our relationship for all our major milestones....when he proposed to me...I kept asking him if he was kidding and if he was it was a mean joke - ha! 

Anyway....I was going through old pics on my phone the other day and came across a picture from that special day....I had tried to text Andy a pic of the positive test but unfortunately when my phone is in roaming you can't send or receive pic messages so I had to just call him to tell him the news.  I can't believe I kept these pics - they are blurry....but still special to me since I know what the results were.

This is the pic from my camera phone a year ago today - a little hard to read but definitely said Pregnant!  It also said Pregnant in French too since everything in Canada is bilingual..hahaha!

And here is our little surprise a year later....we just love him to pieces...he is such a sweet & cuddly little boy and we can't imagine our family without him!

4 Months

Ok....I'm a day late posting this....but here's the story:

I must be losing my mind...I was all proud of myself for originally doing this post on the 13th so all I would have to do was add in his stats from his dr's appt yesterday on the 14th - the actual day he turned 4 months.  Well as I was feeding Cannon his last bottle for the night last night, I was sitting there thinking of what I needed to add to the blog to complete his 4 month post.  Then it hit me...I forgot to take his 4 month picture!!!! AAAHHH!!!!  There was obviously no way I was going to un-swaddle him and get him all worked up to do it at that point...so I had to wait until today to get his pics included.  Then poor Cannon had a reaction today from his shots yesterday and had a fever of 101 degrees...so he was pretty cranky...but I managed to get a couple of cute smiling pics of him thanks to Uncle Michael. Of course by the time I post this, everything will be included so its no biggie and no one would have ever known the difference, but I just thought I would let everyone know how scattered my brain is recently.  I am losing everything all the time (and multiple times on the same day) - keys, sunglasses, purse...etc.  I am constantly thinking of things I need to ask Andy and then 5 mins later I ask him a question and then promptly follow up with...Did I already ask you that???  I can't remember if I actually asked it out loud or if it was just one of the zillion thoughts running through my mind at any given point during the day.  Scaring me to death that I am already like this at 30 something....what will I be like in another 10 years??  I just keep blaming it on pregnancy brain turned to baby brain - ha!  I only thought I was bad after having Brookie...but that was nothing compared to how bad it has become now!  My brain feels like mush most days...hahaha!

Anyway....like I mentioned earlier - Cannon had his 4 month appt yesterday.  He did well and only cried for a short time after his 2 shots in his legs..poor baby!  We could answer yes to almost all his developmental questions they went over with us so we were thrilled with that.  They also said it was technically 3-5 month questions.....so he still has time to do the couple things he wasn't really doing to fit within the timeline they like to give to make sure they are on track and not delayed.  In the last month, we can see huge differences in him and see him changing daily.  He is becoming so much fun being interested in things and being entertained....love it!  Anyway...here are his stats at 4 months and some fun stuff he's up to now:

•Weighs  14 lbs 13 ozs = 50th percentile

•24 1/2 inches long = 25th-50th percentile

•Forgot what his actual head measurement was but he's in the 75th percentile - he has a big head - and has been measuring big since I was pregnant with him - he's must be one smart boy :)

•Wears size 2 diapers although I am thinking that after this box runs out we may switch to size 3 to see how they work.  The size 2 ones are a little snug around his big milk belly :)

•Wearing mainly 3 months size clothing but still able to squeeze into some 0-3 months and now starting to fit into 6 month size clothing

•Still has pretty blue eyes - looks like they are here to stay?  So happy :)

•Eating mostly 6 ozs (sometimes 7 ozs)every 3.5-4 hours during the day

•Loves to be held but is starting to prefer to be held sitting up and facing outwards so he can see everyone and everything

•Loves to stand up and jump on your lap while holding him - he is so strong!

•Loves to suck on his hands & fingers and even his arm. He has found his thumb a few times and sucked on it for a little bit, but isn't doing it consistantly.....yet.  Although just tonight he was getting really good at getting his thumb in his mouth on a consistant basis. This seems to keep him content and calm him down when he is fussing - yay!

•Loves to blow little bubbles with his mouth - he can get pretty messy doing this

•Still a GREAT sleeper - has his last bottle between 8:30-9:00pm and will sleep on average for 11-12 straight hours

•Still likes his bouncy chair and swing.....takes most of his naps during the day in either of those two places.  The last week I have been swaddling him and letting him sleep in the swing and he has been taking longer naps - about 2 hours.

•Still enjoys his floor activity mat and likes to kick at the different toys and watch all the lights flashing. Doesn't like it for too long, but it will keep him occupied for a bit at least.

•Loves hanging out in his jumperoo - doesn't really mess with too many of the toys yet, but he enjoys being independent and able to move his legs around and push himself back & forth a little bit of up & down.

•Still not a big fan of tummy time - he will tolerate it a little longer than before - maybe a couple minutes tops.  He is finally starting to lift his head up now and look around - but won't do it for too long before he has a meltdown.

•He officially rolled over today for the first time (and I missed it!!!).  I had put him on the floor on a blanket lying on his back so he could just stretch out....well I was in the kitchen getting lunch ready for the other kids and he started whining and then it sounded like he had a muffled cry so I looked over at him and he had flipped himself over onto his tummy and was NOT happy.  Couldn't get him to do it again...but we will definitely be working on it with tummy time.

•Loves his bath time - the warm water completely calms him down and he just sits there smiling and babbling away.  Now any water cooler than bath water - he still isn't a fan.  Pool time is hit or miss - depending on just how warm the water is.  Lake water is a no go as we found out this past weekend - he did NOT like it one bit. 

•Still kind of a fussy baby. He is definitely better than a month ago, but still fussier than your average baby.  We are now able to distract him and play with him to help calm him down so its getting easier to deal with.  I have also figured out his fussiness is a result of being too tired - especially since his napping during the day is hit & miss.  He is wonderful in the mornings but once the afternoon hits....he starts getting whiny and fussy.  But with these longer naps...its getting a little better...hahaha.

•Smiles all the time and we love every second of it!  His whole face just lights up - so sweet!

•Babbles all the time too - has recently found his voice and is doing little squeals here and there as well - love it!  He has babbled "Mama" a few times - especially when he is upset....love it - but obviously its not like he knows what it means - but still fun to hear.

And now of course - what everyone comes to see...pictures!  But first...a neat story about his outfit he is wearing....this used to be one of my outfits that I used to dress my Cabbage Patch Kids in when I was little....never in my wildest dreams would I think I would be dressing my own little boy in it!  I found it in a storage container at my moms house last month when we were up there visiting....and its a REAL retro Astros outfit - not a 'new' retro one :)  Oh and just wanted to add - it is also says size 9 months on the tag!!!  Lol - although I think that is being generous....he barely fit into it - ha!  They must have had different sizing guidelines back in the 1980's...hahahaha!